Just how UNLIMITED is LIMITED?

Alright now, after attending the Rise of the Eldrazi Pre-Release sealed tournament at my local game shop Game Table. By the way stop in there, support them, they are awesome http://www.thegametableonline.com/ . Anyway, to all of you who have played the Limited environment and are planning on playing next weekend, don't do what I did. Don't try to be cool and ramp to win. Play LOLDRAZI. Every game I lost I was crashing in with a Conquering Manticore after stealing their blocker, then they drop Umalog's Crusher or Hand of Emrakul, hell, someone even cast a freaking Emrakul the Impossible to Cast (Much to my surprise).

For those of you who want to see what NOT to play, here's my decklist:

Creatures: 15
2x Emrakul's Hatcher
2x Stalwart Shield-Bearers
2x Overgrown Battlement
1x Ogre Sentry
1x Ikiral Outrider
1x Knight of Cliffhaven
1x Joraga Treespeaker
1x Nest Invader
1x Conquering Manticore
1x Kaibra Vindicator
1x Spellbound Guardians
1x Artisans of Kozilek

Spells: 7
1x Awakening Zone
1x Mammoth Umbra
1x Heat Ray
1x Harmless Assault
1x Gelatinous Genesis
1x Explosive Revelation
1x Growth Spasm

Land: 18
5x Forest
6x Mountains
7x Plains

I was doing amazing and then my opponent would drop a loldrazi, making me unable to swing and unable to not block and losing permanents like there was no tomorrow. Imagine having to deal with an Ulamog's Crusher and knowing you have a heat ray, but you are slowly losing the mana to be able to cast it, if in fact, you draw it. It comes up 1 turn too late and then BAM, you lose.


Now, Limited has never been my favorite format, and my friends know that I avoid drafts like the plague. But I still have to play in pre-release and release events for the sheer chance of pulling something awesome and winning packs, note, I lose a lot, especially to cards that will never see competitive play:

I mean seriously guys, that's not cool to do after I casted my artisans. That had to be my biggest failure of the night. Casting Gelatinous Genesis for a 9/9, having like 6 other creatures, Artisans of Kozilek, and he tapped me out and attacked me over and over and over. For the game I might add. I LOVE MAGIC!

I didn't even make it to 9th place where pack support was 2 packs.

Congratulations Nico though, on his 1st place 24 packs of Rise of the Eldrazi.

I couldn't even win the Low Role on a 20 sided die for a promo Leatherback Baloth.
I rolled a 4, a freaking 4, and the 9 year old roles a 3...

Fail enough for ya?

What the hell IS Rise of the Eldrazi?

Has anyone really tried building a deck yet?

God I am confused about how this set is going to fit into Metagames around the world. Rise of the Loldrazi, at least to me, seems like a coreset of some sort, being made to run independently of of all other sets with all of the new mechanics and the ignoring of all other Block mechanics.

I think this time I am going to address the new mechanics that we are going to be seeing and why I think that they could either be great, or totally suck.

Level-Up:
Okay, what the Hell Wizards? You are not Konami, you don't print Yu-Gi-Oh cards, why the hell are you making a very similar mechanic in a game where spending excess mana does not leave you open to bluff anything.
Figure of Destiny was good, Figure was a Pseudo Leveler buthere's the thing: He didn't have 12 levels. Pump to 2/2, Pump to 4/4, Pump to 8/8 flier. He was good and broken, but guess what, he was the only real one in the set that worked like that, making him individual and not overusing a mechanic that when tacked onto commons and uncommons become something that's not even worth casting, even despite what Evan Erwin says.

I do have the guilty pleasure of liking some of the white cards' final pumps though. I have always been a big fan of defensive mechanic in white and white prevention. Almost every single white leveler becomes a wall, THAT ATTACKS. God how I would love a 5/12 to swing. Try jointblocking that!

Eldrazi Spawn:
Welcome to the world of unnecessary mana ramp. I have nothing to like about these. All they really are are little remnants of cards that should be a lower casting cost but they also produce eldrazi tokens. Why not just play the god damned rampant growth turn 2 so that you can BBE turn 3? It just seems so effective to ignore these little "Biddies" and play the card that doesnt have the tacked on eldrazi effect. It's faster, it's more efficient.

Rebound:
I'm going to come clean here, I have no idea whether I like Rebound or not. I mean, Cast Through Time looks so alluring but honestly, triggering on the upkeep? That rules out all X spells, all Counter Spells, it fizzles kill spells that will have no target. Also, What if I want to cast Day of Judgment and then play so critters, I can't. Although that is just the one card, the other effects are okay. No one really needs +2/+2 two turns in a row. The first time, it's a combat trick, the second, well then it's just like someone played a Giant Growth on their mainstep, just a nooby player mistake. Some spells are cool like, Target Player sacs a creature, you gain life, with REBOUND. for 5 Mana that's already a good card without rebound, what about now? Consuming Vapors will be played Quote me on it.

So overall there are a bunch of Odd mechanics, that we are not yet sure if work, but eh, who knows how they will play out until we eventually get them into the competitive environment. I'll be playing because I LOVE MAGIC.

Fail enough for ya?

I Can Haz Proxy?!

With Rise of the (Lol)Drazi on the Rise (Yes, the pun was necessary) I have been testing what will work with hopes of having a competitive deck ready by week after the Release. I considered forwarding my Grixis Control. I have considered Mono-Green. I have considered Mono-White-Walls. Hell, I've even considered running some kind of Eldrazi deck involving Umalog and the Artisans, Mono-Black-ish. None of which I can fully grasp, while my best friend struggles with adapting Jund for the new set. Surprisingly, Sarkhan the Mad works well. Imagine using his minus two on a sprouting thrinax for 3 saproling tokens and a 5/5 dragon flier, sounds pretty Kickass to me for Main Phase 2.

If only it could be as simple for me. Grixis was my first choice. I've been playing Grixis since WorldWake came out because of how amazing the new Jace makes the deck. I did wind up flipflopping around with the composition but wound up settling on a deck that wins a fair amount of games and that I am confident in.

THEN CAME RISE OF THE ELDRAZI
...balls

Deprive looks like the only card that would fit the deck but the problem is that you need to have that land in play. What's the point of bouncing a land in Grixis that isnt your own land.

Deprive proves to be more for Chapin-Control seeing as that deck plays Halimar Depths. It also plays Everflowing Chalice which compensates for that popped land.
It seems to me that Grixis gets nothing other than a whole bunch of new threats to look at and the possibility of running Consume the Meek in sideboard. For that reason alone ROtE has been disappointing me as a player.

I had a Mono-Green deck built for my brother that was showing a hell of a lot of promise. He could sometimes even beat me. I've never been challenged by any of his decks, and as soon as I put something together for him it becomes pretty solid. I thought that maybe this deck could benefit from Vengavine or Khalni Hydra. And so I playtested. Khalni Hydra hits turn three and eats removal. Vengavine is a threat in the beginning but after turn 5, all creatures are generated, not cast, ans so it sits in the graveyard anyway. There's the loss of update.

I saw some of the new black cards, I liked the vampire that double your mana. That was pretty cool. I thought that maybe I could use that to my advantage and cast a couple of those uncastable eldrazi spells. Ulamog, Artisans. Both were good, not too expensive (Cough Emrakul the Crap) and had a direct effect when they came in (Unlike the Butcher of LOLZ) so it looked pretty promising, but then I realized, wow, Im working so hard to cast something that's not going to be cast because all of my ramp becomes board wipe targets. With Consume The Meek, Earthquake, Day of Judgment, Chain Reaction and Shrivel Loldrazi Spawn (Or biddies, as me and my friends are trying to get them known as) will never stay on the field for long enough to sac for the eldrazi creatures. It's just a mono-black deck with a crapload of dead cards. So there goes that idea. I LOVE MAGIC.

My last though was some kind of mono-white wall/lifegain deck. Playing like, wall of reverence, the new colorshifted 0/4 wall/ felidar sovereign, something like that. Sad thing is though, I have not had time to test it and all of my friends are bashing the idea. I like it but I'm still not sure how it would work.

So at this point, as soon as ROtE launches on April 24th I am out of a deck. Ugh.

Fail enough for ya?

Zendikar Block is all about LAAAAND

Anyone who's been playing Magic recently knows that Wizards of the Coast has been giving Zendikar Block interesting amounts of land cards, seeing as the set's theme is Land. Landfall, animated lands, lands that get back in the kitchen and make sandwiches (That's right Magosi, no one likes you). But, alas, the spoilers for Rise of the Eldrazi, the third set in the block, has taken a turn for the worse. The count of land in the set is a whopping 22, but, here's the real 'Kicker' : 20 OF THEM ARE BASIC. That's right, only 2 land that are not basic lands are in this set. One being a Lol(el)Drazi land, the other being a Terramorphic Expanse 2.0. WOW COLORLESS FETCH, I'M SO IMPRESSED. Way to fail Wizards of the coast.

Was anyone waiting for a set of Painlands, or maybe Shocklands? Something relevent to the block? Landfall is completely nonexistent in this set, flipping everything to focus on casting Loldrazi spells on turn 7. This of course will never happen. Instant speed removal and mass removal already run rampant. Day of Judgement, Chain Reaction, Earthquake, Consume the Meek, yeah, there are 4 spells that can kill all of those silly little critters before you have time to pop and sac them for some big ugly creature with a face like the ass of a beggar in South America.

Who still uses Fetch?
I DO
Who still uses Man-Lands?
I DO
Who still uses Dual Lands?
I DO
Tri-Lands?
I DO
I LOVE MAGIC

All of the nonbasic lands from the previous six sets have been relevant to almost every other player out there, and yet wizards decides to stop being creative and print big fat creatures that will never see casting outside of EDH and casual play.
They even made a lot of them impossible to play in Legacy and Vintage because they don't even stay in the Graveyard.

I really am hoping this is not predecessor as Fifth Dawn was to Kamigawa. I'm excited for Scars of Mirroden. I don't want another set filled with useless crap that Mark Rosewater decided to allow print of.

Stop experimenting with Crap, Wizards, print known successful cards like dual lands and cards that follow the theme of the set. If we wanted silly fatties (I'm not bashing the timmys out there) we could go back to Ravnica and cast the 15 mana wurm with convoke.

Seriously Wizards,
Fail enough for ya?

Oh How I Miss Mana-Burn

Raise your hand high if you've ever been Mana-Screwed. Yes even you in the back, pansy little monocolored player. I jest. But it's true, monocolor, multicolor, even colorless, you still wind up Mana-Screwed at one point or another. You know this especially if you play the damn shard decks. "Hi, I'm that mountain you were looking for since turn 3. Lol I'm still 12 cards deep in your library SUCK IT BITCH.

Today's failure I'd like to dedicate to my asinine ability to think that keeping a 6 land hand with a Negate would be okay against Ionamorph.

Guess what?
Unless you want half an hour of nothing but MANA MANA MANA MANA MANA, dont keep that hand
If there was any time I hated the M10 rulings, It. Would. Be. Now.
I'mma um... tap out, float, and um, end my main step for 15 Mana Burn?
JUST TO END THE GODDAMN GAME.
No
I had to sit there hitting nothing but lands, kills, and counter. I would have even loved a goddamn Calcite Snapper (I'm still playing Grixis).

I did hit a cruel when I was around 9 mana... but....


So obviously I wasn't very happy.

In order for me to win this game I had to cruel 2 more times
bolt all of his morph targets
as well as terminate
and quake for 15 for the win (I was at 17 Life)
Well, Earthquake is sorta like Manaburn I guess. But damn am I pissed off. The deck never shows me more than 8 land at FNM or Saturday but on a casual day against a deck I know I can beat I see enough to cast 2 cruel in one Main Phase. I LOVE MAGIC

Fail enough for ya?

Grixis Swarm at FNC

How often do you see two back to back mirror matches when you aren't playing a Tier 1 deck? These geeks were all over Grixis like it was a rail thin barely legal teenage girl carrying around a deck box. And yes. I am guilty of playing this deck as well.

Friday Night Magic at Friendly Neighborhood Comics (FNC) has to be tacked onto my lists of failing at epic proportions.

Matchups:
Jund
Grixis
Grixis
Something I forget (Notice the fail right there OH YEAH!)
R/G Basilisk Collar Tokens

So like every other Grixis player, I played against at least 2 other grixis players. There were mirror matches out the wazzoo.

- Hi Um, I'll double negative that lightning bolt
- Nah, Negate.
- How about negating your negate
- I'd prefer to negate that negate that is negating my negate
- Tap out to Double negative that negate that negated my negate that negated your negate which was negating my double negative that countered your lightning bolt?
- Second bolt LOL

Legit. That happened.
Sometime it can be fun though
like getting both your Cruel Ultimatum and your Jwar Jwar Sphinx THOUGHT HEMORRHAGED
Mother Trucker
I still won though?
Can you say Quake 4, Quake 5, Double Bolt for game? I can.
I LOVE MAGIC.

Now to come to that night's truly epic fail, of all sorts of insanity.

Red
Green
Token
Collar
Translation? : LOLOLGARRUK TOKEN WITH BASILISK COLLAR

Bouncing tokens with into the roil is fun and all, but when you get no counters, no cruels and no mana for 3 games in a row (Game 2 I pulled out of my ass) you begin to wonder why you can't shotgun the rest of your mountain dew and stick your head in the toilet, hitting flush until you pass out from loss of oxygen. I think I would have rather eaten a pile of foil Wallet Slayer Angels than be put to such shame. It's like having to resort to playing Jund. OR WORSE.

It's like, Garruk, make a biddy, attach collar, swing for crazy shit, whittle me down, bolt me to the face, burst lightning me to the face, sable stag, omnath, canopy cover WHERE ARE MY COUNTER SPELLS?!

Fail enough for ya?

How To Get Your Dreams Crushed: The Magic the Gathering Edition

Now, we all know that Magic is a highly competative game with a plethora of over the top crazy decks that just bash face and make your opponent want to relive their childhood days of being bullied into crying for their mother by something meaner, fatter and more aggressive than they. We also know that anyone can build these decks who have the right amount of cash and access to the Internet [coughcoughanytwelveyearoldwithstupidparentscough]. Thus, competative magic and even the casual Friday Night Magic [FNM] have become enviroments for the E-1337 [yeah right]. This will be a blog about my plight as a Magic the Gathering player. Decks that smash my face, decks that I've played in Top 8 against and wonder why they are not in the losers bracet, nights of epic fail, and all over. Magic the Gathering Misery. I hope you all enjoy this blog of self-punishment by playing the game that just makes you want to shout "I LOVE MAGIC"